I was walking down a road. With my head held up high. Enjoying the light breeze. The cool air between my toes. I was wearing an open toe sandal. They are my favourite pair. A soft shawl wrapped around my neck, leather jacket and jeans. Just enjoying the moment. Will this moment ever return? I stared straight ahead. My eyes glanced at the metal fence, darted across the pavement, across the road. Cars parked on the verge. A black and white collie dog rang down the pavement on the other side. Whizzing down. The dog caught my eye. It raced past a man. I was still staring at the dog. I didn’t notice a set of eyes watching me. I glanced up. Our eyes met. My first initial response was a smile. The guy was tall, slender. Maroon t shirt, dark baggy jeans. His face, unshaven. Dark eyes. He looked familiar. He smiled. Hello. I can’t remember whether he spoke first or I. Talking across the road as we both walked the opposite directions. How are you? I’m fine thank you and you? Good thanks. The conversation went on like that. He smiled on and I carried on walking.

Another time, I was on the train. I was travelling back from Leeds and jumped on to a train at Derby. I walked carefully down the aisle, counting the seat numbers and looking for my reserved seat. In my seat sat a young man. The table seating of four was jammed with a couple on one side and a young guy on the other.

“Excuse me, is this train going to Sheffield?”

The blonde haired guy replied “Yes, I think so.” He chuckled. He had a lovely accent. I looked at the number above the window which informed which seat was reserved from where. Still looking at him, slightly embarrassed I spoke, “Sorry, this is my seat.”

The guy looked at me, apologised. I thought he was going to stand up instead he shifted towards the window seat, which was reserved for me. No problem. I sat down next to him. His hair was thick, blonde high lights with light brown. His eyes were piercing blue. I couldn’t help it but I wanted to find out where his accent was from. So I casually asked him and he told me he was from Australia. Perth. This made me so excited and intrigued. I love men with Australian accents! We had a really interesting conversation full of laughter, exploring the world, travelling. I sometimes wonder, whether I should have given him my number. He laughed at the way I pronounced a word which, funnily, I can’t remember now. He told me he was a training teacher and has come to see his friend in the UK. He was working for a Cricket place in Sheffield and was visiting his friend in Newcastle. I wonder whether this guy is? I told him, next time he comes round my way, I’ll give him a tour. Not that there is much to see where I live. A middle of no where. We had a nice conversation, and when it was my time to leave, I thanked him for a friendly chat and left.

These are memories of no coincidence. We meet people everyday and we always pass each other. Makes me wonder if we will ever meet again. I would like to.





Why is it when we get rejected we feel so much pain? It’s like to losing an arm or a limb. We blame ourselves what has happened. I have a theory. You go through two phases. One phase, you get redirected and believe for a moment that you are better off without that ‘particular’ person. You generalise and believe it (by repeating it to your self like a mantra) that you are better without.

Phase two, you keep doing it again. Keep on getting rejected. It could be by the opposite gender. It could be a job interview. It could be many things. You just keep doing it again. Like a lesson which has been unlearned. Until you have learnt the lesson.

You just can’t win. Why can’t we see the bigger picture?

Be free

The concept of separating from someone should be like freedom. Being free. In society women are not meant to be seen as a divorced person. It’s not accepted in today’s day. No parent want their child to go through this. As hard and difficult it is to get married, it’s just as hard to end a marriage. It’s a barrier that needs to be reached and to get there, everyone who love you, are stopping you. Relationships are very interesting things. Behaviour of people is a very interesting matter as well. You can be friendly to someone and someone can read it as the wrong way. Everything has an innuendo. Keep away from it all if you can. 

I am a survivor

After two hours of sleep I wake up with the urge to listen to the song called “Survivor” by Destinys Child. The lyrics are amazing. When I was released I loved it but didn’t quite understand it. If you have never been through pain in a long term relationship how are you meant to know?! It’s full of positivity, such a great outlook. Not that I need this song, it’s a little reminder to us ladies that you know you’re going to be okay. Girl power! Woman up! 


Why we love men we cant have (or women)..

Blurry-Street-Lights-Photos (This image is not my own I found it online. Refer to

There are many reasons for this. It is all down to our decision making, fate and when we meet people. The route we choose or in some cases go with the flow. You meet people. You admire people. Or you fall in love. Unexpectedly. Love is a tangible subject. I don’t believe in love. Love is something that grows from trust and respect.

Someone told me if you are lucky, you can fall in love twice. I have no idea. I thought I knew what it is.

Go back to the title. Reasons why we fall in love with people we can’t have is usually down to that fact that they are very famous and you see them in films. It is not reality.

You desire more. What you have is not enough.

It is temptation.

Horror films

i love horror films. Since I’ve lost my horror film partner I can’t seem to watch any on my own. I recently borrowed ‘woman in black: angel of death’ the second one and today I have tried three attempts to watch it alone. It complete nightmare because I am sh*tting myself. Pooping my pants. I knew I should have borrowed “john wick” action movie starring Keanu Reeves, from the library!

Evil has two faces…

When someone asks you to describe how does the devil look like or the grim keeper? The automatic response is a man with a skull face, and long dark cloak and a long sharp weapon, a farmers scythe … The point is I think the devil comes dressed like you and I in normal clothing. You never know when or who will take you, destroy you or  torture you, abuse you. You just don’t know.

The Martian 

My dream was rAther frightening. It’s not very often I remember my dreams. I was at the zoo with my family. I remember parking my silver car in the bay, reversed parking. It was a strange car park as all the bay parks were like a star shape car park. Not like the normal ordinary horizontal way, linear parking bays. My car was parked at one angle, my sister parked hers and my father parked his and so on. It was in a star shape. So my sisters rear of her car was parked near the front of mine at an angle. At the zoo, it was crowded and we went to visit the monkey ape section as I love monkeys. There was an intelligent section of the ape part. There was a man showing the intelligant but also dangerous monkeys. The zoo keeper told us not to go over the line and not to go near the caged fences. One of the monkeys managed to rip open the fence, pop it’s head out the fence. Both of his hands were gripped on to the fence. His face grinning, eyes was glaring at me. Like it had chosen me. I felt cold prickles run down my back. Some how leaped out and fell to my arms. It immediately got clingy on me. Immediately thought I was its mother. It was cute. I stroked it’s head and cooed and cradled it like a baby. The monkey liked it and held on to me and snuggled it’s head in to my bosom. It reminded me of a psychology case where chicks imprinted on gloves and human beings thinking the human is their mother. As you can see a very dangerous situation. The zoo keepers had to remove me from the area and isolate me from my family. I remember leaving my family behind. Dad told me they will be ok. Mum beckoned me to go. I felt sad leaving them. You could see the intelligent monkey was getting agitated and furious as it wanted me. It was scary. The monkeys eyes were a bright yellow. It was a small skinny brown monkey with a cuppacino brown face. I was then away from the zoo to a helicopter bay on top of a building. A man handed me an orange bag and told the pilot to take me away. In the helicopter there was other five people. They looked like scientists or people of intelligence wearing white robes, doctors in the blue scrubs. In loose pyjamas. I glanced back at the mAn who handed me my orange bag and in my distress I uttered, ‘please look after my family’. The helicopter lift off and began to swept away. The man began very small. From the helicopter I could see everyone belo us, the people looked like ants. The animals looked like toys. The monkeys had taken over the whole zoo. You could hear screaming and shrieking. I was screAming. Calling out my for my mum and dad. The doctor held me down from jumping out of the aircraft. I watched as everyone die, all the people being attacked my these aggressive monkeys. The monkeys were hooting and shrieking in anger. Suddenly from the sky, the clouds opened and these illuminous blue undentified flying objects came crashing into earths surface. Crashing into buildings, crashing and killing people. Fire flames everywhere. I could feel the heat burning in our faces. My family was down there and I was crying and screaming. My orange rucksack contained precious and valuable things of my family. It was like someone knew this would happen. The helicopter people saved me because the intelligent baby monkey imprinted on me and it became a risk. A major risk. The helicopter suddenly transformed into a space ship and we flew higher and higher out of earths atmosphere into space. My clothing changed into astranauts outfits and I some how managed to break free from where I was sitting in. I jumped and landed crouched down in a new set of clothing, in Star Trek with the vulcran and his girlfriend. They were shocked to see me. ‘Where did you come from?’ They asked me. I showed them a knife, a strange defence weapon in my hand, “show me your captain”. They did. I asked thoroughly what was the situation of earth?’ The captain said he had news that a space pirate had escaped.’ Indicating me. ‘Earth the had been take over by speaking alien apes.’ My body froze and I was terrified. 

Then I woke up.