I was watching a video on YouTube about “feeling lonely” by Matthew Hussey and it triggered a memory.
The most I felt lonely this week was a wedding I attended , the weekend gone. I remember sitting at my table, watching the children run around, dance, cry. The parents busy talking and smiling laughing. The young adults hanging around with friends. A group of singles muttering about whatever they’re muttering. Everyone dresses in suits, smart and in beautiful dresses. The bride was sitting in her beautiful red and gold lengha. Henna on her hands, golden jewellery and her gold clutch bag resting in her lap. I stared at her and watched everyone take photos. Admiring her on how pretty she looked. We made eye contact and smiled at each other. It’s just one of those things, loneliness. I didn’t know anyone at the wedding except for my sister and brother in law (bil) and his friend – the groom.
You can be or feel lonely at any time.
I was driving to work this morning and I was thinking. I do most of thinking in the car. I let my thoughts iron out on an imaginary iron board. Straighten out the curls and make them stand up straight and bold.
A thought came to me.
Remember the days at school. Your attendance for everyday from year 7 to year 11 is important. You make sure that you’re on time and never late. Then you reach your last year at school, and due to the lateness of the bus, your attendance rate of 100% suddenly goes down. The teachers always remember the last year. The present year. No one remembers the all the years before hand on how good you have been.
Then compare this to a long term relationship that ends badly. All you can remember is the bad parts, the pain, the tears. You never can remember or can recall the good parts. The beginning is normally the good part.
It’s the same thing. Why can’t we ever remember the good parts? Why don’t they ever override the bad?
Have you noticed that villains in all tv shows, comics, animations, films, books always wear the colour green? I love the colour green. I’m not a villain.
Characters like Loki from Thor, Slytherin house division from Harry Potter, Poison Ivy wears green from Gotham, the Riddler (Ed Nygma) wears green suit from Gotham, Wicked witch green face from wizard of oz. Not quite the clothing, but you know what I mean?! Joker in Batman has green hair.
Then you have the super heroes such as Hulk. But there are not that many. If you can think of any, please comment.
Pain doesn’t really go away. You can move forward, keep excelling and pushing yourself further. Then there are miniscule nights, like today 03:18am, where I can’t sleep. At least not having nightmares. You can’t sleep. You want to sleep.
Life changing decisions have taken place. I should be happy. I am. Yet I am sad also. Another chapter of my life has come to a closure.
Hopefully through these changes, the best is yet to come.
Imagine every time you thought of someone you liked, you would get an electric shock. The more you thought of them, the shock would increase. Eventually erasing them from your mind, as all you would remember was pain. #cognitive #mind #psychology #electric #shock #attraction #suppress #memories
Last night I was dining out at Frankies and Benny’s in Lichfield, enjoying a three course meal. The starter was garlic and mushroom in a cheesy sauce. My main was a chilli calamari spaghetti. My dessert was a chocolate brownie with ice cream and cream. It was exceptionally great food. The atmosphere was very welcoming, including the service I received. Top notch. I’ve been to one of these restaurants with my friends in the past where I live, however I have never received super service, especially when eating out alone.
There is nothing with wrong eating out alone. I enjoy my own company. It’s a confident move. Sitting on a spacious table of four on my own.
I was speaking to a friend a while back who told me eating with people, with friends is more of an experience than eating alone.
I guess it is like a celebration. In my family, eating out at a restaurant wasn’t really something we used to do. Eating at restaurants, for my family was a source of income. My father was a business man, a founder of an Indian Cuisine restaurant and take away. So for us, I have always seen dining out, as a form making money for the family. Bringing bred to the table. As I grew older, and began working in retail and now in I.T. dining out in restaurants has become more of a celebration, experiencing food made by another chef of different cuisine with friends and some family members. Eating out is a luxury hobbie, past time. For me, eating has always taken place round the diner table in my own family home. With my parents and my sisters.
In the last week of my father’s restaurant, when he closed the family business for retirement. Many of the customers told me eating at our family restaurant was for them a celebration. It was a truly, a sweet comment.
#frankiesfave #family #familyvalues #eatout #restaurants #celebration #letsceletbrate #food #diningout
On my travels today, I dropped by to my local library and peered through a pile of books in their book sale. A hard back caught my eye. The cover was black, with a deep red rectangular shapes and yellow semi circles and lines going through the cover. The picture was of those dangling objects that you use outside in the gardens or to entertain new born babies, what do you call them?! Ah, I can’t remember. It’s on the tip of my tongue. Are they called mobiles I wonder? Maybe. Anyway the book is a modern classic. The Talented Mr Ripley by Patricia Highsmith. I noticed this book at a another time, perhaps at a book store. I wanted to buy it. That time I did not. This time, I did exactly that. The book in mint condition, crisp clean pages. No smears or marks. One of my high light of today. Once I opened the book, I was completely hooked. Even though I have seen the film which stars Matt Damon and Jude Law, it’s still a delight to read. I just love books that are dated in the fifties or twenties era. So romantic. Perhaps it was the book cover that seduced me. Or the most intelligent mathematical Thomas “Tom” Ripley. It’s not very often you see a person walk to down the street reading a book, like I was. With my head hidden inside the pages and every so often check my surroundings if it is safe to cross the road. As today’s day of age, you would see children and adults walking with their mobile phones, androids or iPhones catching Pokemons, listening to music or speaking at their phones. Good night now. Have a pleasant evening.
When I was a child, all I ever wanted was to fit in. Sadly, this was never going to be, as first I was the only ethnic minority girl in class and I had an unusual name. As I have grown up, I have realised it is better to be different. And now I fully embrace my differences and do my own thing, have my own style etc.
I was thinking about my niece. I always like to support her, encourage her and inspire her by feeding her interesting, knowledgeable, feminist type of books about girl power and it’s fine to be different.
A few weeks ago it was world book day 2017 in U.K. For school all the children had to dress up as a book character. All children in my nieces year dressed up as the following, boys, the stereotypes, Harry Potter, thunder birds,spider man and the girls were all Frozen princesses. And what did my niece dress up as Horrid Harry. She dresses up as a boy. How cool is that! And courageous! I’m so proud of her! Sadly the children in her Year were nasty to her. You wait and see, when they grow to be different, I hope they remember that day.
I’m so proud of my niece, that she was different. Be an individual. Be inspiration. Embrace change.
Hear me out on this.
Imagine every person you met, you fell in love with, or became your boyfriend or girlfriend. You married. You had to marry.
Then imagine, everytime the relationship broke, you had to divorce them.
Think about all that stress you had to go through. Getting married and then separating. Horrible thought isn’t it?
Well, this thought relates to days day. People who come out broken marriages, get a bad name in some cultures. The only way for them to move forward is to remarry but are not allowed to have relationships before marriage. Then there’s the western culture, where people are going through in and out of relationships all the time. No one ever points a finger at you and say, you’ve have tonnes of boyfriends/girlfriends, keep away from him/her.
I might be generalising here. So I apologise. If anyone disagrees with this, please comment. Or does anyone think or slightly understand what I am trying to say, portray in these words?
November 17,2016.I once had everything now I’m in transition of change.
Despite what I have been through I look at my siblings. Some of them have everything, a spouse, a child, a roof over their heads, surely you would think you would be happy with this? Why can’t they be happy? They’re in better place than some. You can’t put blame on your partner. Saying that’s it’s their fault. You’re not perfect either. Even if you are not at fault, or maybe some aspects are. At the beginning of a relationship you are a different person of who you are at the end of the relationship. You are meant to grow with the relationship with your partner.
The bigger the failure, the bigger the victory.