The Lost Book

Have you ever read a book that you cannot remember the name of the author or the title of the book?  I have.  I am currently still looking for it.  Every time I pop into my local library, I scan the spines of the books, staring at the names of authors, in alphabetical order, including the names of the publishers.  I try to remember the colour of the book cover, the image.  The thickness of the book.  Whether is was a hard back or soft back cover.  So scrutinizingly annoyingly frustrating.  How many times I have asked different library members of staff to rack their brains and see if they know of it.  

One thing I am sure of, that I can positively say, on the cover, another author called Sophie Hannah wrote a comment about the book.  One of my author friends told me, famous writers do this, to help with the book publicity.  At the time, when I read the book, I thought it was the writer of the ‘lost book’ which I am looking for.  The reason why I remember her name (Sophie Hannah), is that her surname is my niece’s name only with no letter ‘h’ at the end, to be similar to my sisters name.  (oops I’m talking too much about me now..)

The book cover of the ‘lost book’ I think it was white or lightly covered, perhaps with petals or red roses on the cover.  It said on the book cover that it is a ‘Cult Book’ – I remember sending a text to my sister who lives in the capital city telling her about the book I am currently reading.  She told me, don’t read it, as I was so emotional when I was reading it.  

So, the facts we know so far, is:

1. it is a ‘Cult Book’

2.  Sophie Hannah wrote a recommendation on the cover

3.  It was a hardback

4. I didn’t mention this – but Headline was the publisher who printed the book.  Perhaps in the year 2012.  I’m sure it was a couple of years ago, when I read.

The author is definitely not Tanyia Bryne – as, today, I got very excited and I thought I had found it, by looking at the cover and inside it was my handwriting, as I had written the date of which I have to return the book back to the library.  Sad times,  I have still not found it.  

So, what was the book about?  I hear you ask.  Well, it is hard to explain.  The story was about a woman called Martha, I think her first real name was Matilda or Linda or something, but later she changed her name.  She felt in love with a guy called Adam.  Adam’s back ground was from a rich background.  His parents owned a mansion some where in surrey or warickshire or something.  Adam thinks he is the son of God and starts picking people to join his group, he becomes of leader of a cult group, and believes that Martha will give him a baby.  Sadly, something happens to Martha, before he finds that he is the son of god, the first time she gets pregnant with him, she aborts the child, loses it, can’t remember which one, and it ends her up as infertile.  Obviously, when Adam, find out, he is very unhappy.  He believes that it has to be her blood.

Meanwhile, another story is happening at the same time.  The story of Martha’s sister, who accidently gets knocked up and has a baby.  The sisters martha and her little sister (name which I cant remember now) don;t particular get on.  Probably due to that fact, that Martha’s little sister had a horrible pregnancy with her first child.  

The book is written from the first child’s view.  (So, when you’re reading the book, you’re trying not to get confused with what is happening.)  This child grows up into a young lady and she leaves home, ends up on the streets (it might have been her brother..) And Adam’s collecters find her and pick her up to join the group.  In a strange way, the child gets reunited with her aunt, not realising it.

There are some flashes of scenes of the book which I remember fully, certain lines.  Do I share, feeling quite embarrassed.. what the hell.  There’s a scene in the book, which the writer has described so well, describing a man’s penis as a ‘shrivelled up acorn’ and ‘a tip of the peck painted red’.. or something like that.

You find out later in the book that Adam, ends up sleeping with Martha’s sister, giving her sister another baby, a boy.  Martha’s little sister, wants to be all motherly to her son, as she never got the chance to do with her her first child, the daughter, as Martha was the one who bought her up before she left home.  

It’s a sad sort of story.  Why on earth I am still looking for this unknown book, will be something for me to find out..

Anyone out there read this book?  Please let me know.  Many thanks.




Get it off your chest..


If the world, educated boys and girls about infertility and all these different conditions, that men and women are suffering from, back at school.  The world would be a better place. People would not see the infertile as abnormal. If people didn’t automatically think that once you’re married, you’ll have ‘babies’ straight away.  There are other reasons people get hitched, such as, companionship. It wouldn’t be such a taboo topic to talk about.  In laws wouldn’t be weird about it.  Imagine someone close cried when she found out she was unexpectedly pregnant and cried unhappily, and the infertile person turns around and says ‘at least you’re fertile’. In a positive note. (BTW she decides to keep it.) But not all see that.  If you say to someone ‘you’re fertile’, the one who is fertile would think you are being hostile, emotional wreck, upset.  See this, being invincible.  Think of the moral behind Monsters University, trying to do something that is not meant to be. You may be great at it, however, there are other better things out there for you..